The following conversation took place at 6:20 am this morning.
MARC: I need to get up and make coffee. I scheduled server maintenance at 7:00.
ME: You have to maintenance your own server? Doesn’t Rackspace do that?
ME: Let me remind you, I ask these questions because I really don’t know the answers.
MARC: Why would they maintain my server?
ME: Why wouldn’t they?
MARC: WHY WOULD THEY?
ME: I can play this game all day, you know.
MARC: (disgusted sigh)
ME: And so I’ll ask again… What kind of maintenance do you have to do to the server?
MARC: Air up the tires and check the oil and stuff. (WHO’S THE FUNNY GUY?!)
ME: (disgusted sigh)
MARC: I have to update the software.
ME: Servers have software? What kind of software?
MARC: (said with genuine disbelief) I really don’t know how to answer your question. I don’t even know what you’re asking.
ME: Seriously? What the hell? It’s really a reasonable question. Do I have a server? Do I schedule maintenance on my imaginary server?
MARC: (said like a whiney little kid about to throw a tantrum) BUT YOU’RE ASKING ME ABOUT SOFTWARE! (If he had been standing up, there would have been a foot stomp. He might have even fallen down and rolled around on the ground)
ME: I know what f*cking software is. I just didn’t know how a server works. But thank you for explaining it to me in a way that doesn’t make me question my intelligence. Or rather, your opinion of my intelligence.
MARC: (instantly calm) Oh. Well, you’re welcome.
So now, not only am I going to credit my upcoming web page to Marc, I’m also going to go get a server. And put stuff on it. And maintenance it. And make it dinner and do its laundry. I bet my new server will tell me I’m smart, notice when I get a haircut, and watch Sex and the City with me. You guys are going to love him!